With Benefits: Whole-Body Wins of Intimacy
It's what you always wish you were doing. It's at the core of the best fantasies. All too often, you're willing to risk and sacrifice for it. It's sex. There may be a few reasons why sex is at the center of many obsessions. Regardless of orientation, preference, or gender identity, the best thing you could do lying down (no, standing up too) has a variety of benefits for your body, heart, and mind. Come along and find out how (see what we did there?). 

Physical Edge
Many of us feel the best when we're having sex. Just foreplay has been shown to release oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine all of which reduce stress, promote enjoyment (Gopal, 2023), and relieve stress (Santos-Longhurst, 2023). Some studies have indicated that sex raises testosterone levels (Proactive Men's Medical Center, 2022), which is key in building muscle mass and muscle strength. Sex is among the best forms of exercise. Orgasms have also been shown to boost immunity; raise fertility; alleviate pain; reduce hypertension; and, regulate arrythmias, specifically rapid heart rate (Mallari, 2022). Sex also helps sleep, allowing your body decompress (McClymont, 2021; Mollaioli, 2020). Psychological and physiological benefits have been a man and a woman pre-coitus in a carassociated with sexual intercourse (Brody, 2010). Additionally, sexual activity aids cardiovascular health (Chen et al., 2009); however, those with heart disease should be careful, and consult with their health professional. 

Emotional Depth and Connection
As good as the physical effects of sex are, the emotional impacts may be even better. As mentioned earlier, during sexual activity, our brains are flooded with oxytocinthe "love hormone," which enables relaxation and overall psychological stability, while promoting trustserotoninwhich promotes happiness and regulates sexual behaviorand dopamine (Castro, 2014), which grants satisfaction and motivation. Healthy sexual relationships lower morbidity and aid in emotional regulation (Diamond & Huebner, 2012). For both men and women, the duration or length of a sexual relationship (including, levels of commitment) and the presence of sexual exclusivity add to sexual gratification (Waite & Joyner, 2004). Not only has sex been shown to lower anxiety and depression, it is also tempers psychological distress and can strengthen bonds between partners (Mollaioli et al., 2021). Between trusted and committed partners, sex is among the greatest demonstrations of love and devotion. Through sex, you can express what "I love you" can't. 

Cognitive Boost
Your mind isn't left out the fun. Orgasms and climaxes increase focus (Mallari, 2022). Sexual activity has been associated with better memory in men and women, and can raise verbal recall along with initiating the development of neurons in the hippocampus (McClymont, 2021). As suggested, dopamine, the "feel-good hormone," and oxytocin are elevated during sex, reaching their peaks during climax, engulfimg the reward pathways in our limbic system (Castro, 2014; MyClymont, 2021). They do say sex is all in your head.Two women, one black and one white, making out in bed 

Know Your and Your Partner's Needs
The best sex thoughand, the kind that delivers all the above benefitsgoes beyond how long or how many times. It comes down to having your needs two White gay men in bedfulfilled, and satisfying those of your partner's. It's frequently overlooked; but, this involves what really turns you on, a broader meaning of orientation. For instance, demisexuals only enjoy sex with those with whom they have a strong emotional bond. Demisexuals are believed to be on the asexual spectrum, for those who have no interest or only a slight interest in sex (Zambon, 2023). Sapiosexuals only enjoy sex, or are "turned on," by highly intelligent people, or those demonstrating exceptional skills (WebMD, 2023). Spectrasexuals are attracted to multiple genders (not necessarily all of them) (Zambon, 2023), and likely respond to a variety of positions and approaches. Know your partner's orientation, and recognize this throughout sex, from foreplay to climax. If you know what really turns your partner on, you'll both be able to give more to each other, and heighten your satisfaction,

Recognizing your partner's, or partners', needs is also vital in polyamorous relationships. We know this is the relationship status for some in our audience, and for a significant portion of the population. Though the results of casual, non-committal sexual relationships are varied, those who are more sexually conventional or less sexually permissive experienced adverse emotional and psychological effects from such interactions (Wesche et al., 2020). Alcohol or drug use, being sexually unsatisfied, and not knowing a partner well were also associated with negative outcomes from casual sex (Wesche et al., 2020). For polyamorous relationships to be successful, and mutually satisfying, all partners' needs and desires must be recognized, respected. Always ensure you all stay on the same page, in terms of expectations and responsibilities, and you remain honest with each other about the extent of sexual activity, outside the polycule. Please take the appropriate health measures, as conditions demand, to protect yourself and partners. It may be unspoken; but, there's a deep level of trust in these relationships. Anything is fine once it's accepted by all parties, and there is sufficient transparency.

It's worth mentioning that not all of us are in relationships or have sexual partners. By choice, or by circumstance, some of us are alone. But, that doesn't mean you can't reach your sexual peak or enjoy sex's rewards. Masturbationparticularly, with any desired toolsand during times when you are truly undistracted, in tune with yourself, can also be highly satisfying, and should not be shamed. Intense, autosexual behavior triggers the release of endorphins and prolactin, engendering happiness and relaxation respectively (McClymont, 2021). After all, who can satisfy you better than yourself? ;-) Your sexual desires should not be marginalized or restricted; but, always ensure that your fantasies do not involve inflicting lethal, or even fatal, harm. If they do, please consult a psychological or counseling professional toward resolving underlying issues before you act on them.

Having Great Sex
Sure, we've laid out (yeah, you could take it there) some pretty good benefits; but, it's only this awesome if the sex is great. No, we won't discuss positions here. No matter your preference or background, great sex is rooted in openness, immersion, and connection. You have to be willing to go out of your comfort zone, do something different, to get to that next level of intimacy. You have to be firmly in the moment (don't let life's pressures intrude), to allow the intensity, the euphoria to inundate every facet. And, you have to be connected to your partner, to intuit their needsso they can readily realize yoursso you can reach it together. These may help you get there:a man's and a woman's faces, moving in on each other, right before getting intimate 
  • Know you're worthy of receiving, and giving, the best: You deserve to have the "best of your life" each time; and. you could also give that to your partner. You are your partner's ideal lover.
  • Nothing is forbidden between the two of you: Relax your inhibitions, actually, fling them. Whatever brings you both pleasure is perfect, and should be embraced, and performed, in the bedroom. There's no room for shame. The right partner will always be along for the ride. 
  • Be present (is there really anything you'd rather be doing?): In casting your inhibitions aside, surrender to the moment, be wholly in the present. When you're surrendered to the present, your more attune to your needs, and your partner's, which will only maximize your enjoyment. Really, there's no other place you'd rather be; so, stay firmly in it.
  • Make their satisfaction, your satisfaction: Sure, you want to get off; but, make your partner's enjoymentwhether or not you're in a committed relationshipthe objective too. Shared climax delivers the biggest payoff. 
  • Make the fantasy, your reality: Why should the best sex only be in your dreams? You both can attain it. Talk about your needs, and remember what really turned you, and your partner, on the most. Not only can you attain it; you deserve it. Set the stage, and set the mood, for bringing your best to life.
  • See it as finding another state of being: The French term, le petite mort, translates to "the little death" in English, specifically in describing the post-climax, post-orgasm, feeling as that of a little death (Mallari, 2022; Zóltak, 2023). It doesn't have to be. Great sex, especially with a trusted partner, could be life-changing as you deepen your bond, and discover new facets of yourself. Don't see sex as the end; it is the entrée to a new state of being. 
Great sex is an opportunity for growth, for you and your partner. Know you could always go further.

Your Desire Adds to Your Dimension
A man and a woman in bed, in a sensual, sumptuous bedroom scene, surrounded by lit candlesYour desires, your needs, your predilections shouldn't be taboo. Even if their off-kilter, go against-the-grain this is a part of you, and you need to embrace it. Not owning your sexualityand all its aspectsout of fear, shame, or anxiety risks losing a part of yourself. Your sexuality adds to your dimension; so, inhabit it. Sex is, simply, one of God's greatest gifts. So, this Valentine's Dayand throughout the yearshow your gratitude. It's way better than chocolate ;-)

References

Brody, S. (2010). The relative health benefits of different sexual activities. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7(4-part I), 1336-1361. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01677.x

Castro, G. (2014). Postcoital neurochemistry: The blues and the highs. https://sites.tufts.edu/emotiononthebrain/2014/11/18/postcoital-neurochemistry-the-blues-and-the-highs/

Chen, X., Zhang, Q., & Tan, X. (2009). Cardiovascular effects of sexual activity. Indian Journal of Medical Research, 130(6), 681-688. https://journals.lww.com/ijmr/_layouts/15/oaks.journals/downloadpdf.aspx?trckng_src_pg=ArticleViewer&an=02223309-200930060-00005


Diamond, L.M. & Huebner, D.M. (2012). Is good sex good for you? Rethinking sexuality and health. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6(1), 54-69. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2011.00408.x

Gopal, A. (2023). How to be better at it. https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-foreplay

Mallari, J. (2022). La petite mort: What it means and what it has to do with your orgasm. https://www.laweekly.com/la-petite-mort-what-it-means-and-what-it-has-to-do-with-your-orgasm/

McClymont, R. (2021). Six health benefits of sex. https://www.livi.co.uk/your-health/6-health-benefits-of-sex/

Mollaioli, D., Sansone, A., Ciocca, G., Limoncin, E., Colonnello, E., Di Lorenzo, G., & Jannini, E.A. (2021). Benefits of sexual activity on psychological, relational, and sexual health during the COVID-19 breakout. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 18(1), 35-49. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2020.10.008

Proactive Men's Medical Center. (2022). Does sex boost testosterone levels? https://proactivemensmedical.com/blog/does-sex-boost-testosterone-levels/

Santos-Longhurst, A. (2023). 38 things to know about sex and foreplay. https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/foreplay-sex

Waite, L.J. & Joyner, K. (2004). Emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure in sexual unions: Time horizon, sexual behavior, and sexual exclusivity. Journal of Marriage and Family, 63(1), 247-264. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.00247.x

WebMD. (2023). What is sapiosexual or sapiosexuality? https://www.webmd.com/sex/sapiosexual-what-it-means

Wesche, R., Claxton, S.E., & Waterman, E.A. (2020). Emotional outcomes of casual sexual relationships and experiences: A systematic review. The Journal of Sex Research, 58(8), 1069-1084. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2020.1821163

Zambon, V. (2023). What are the different types of sexualities? https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/types-of-sexuality

Zóltak, K. (2023). Orgasms as the little death: The way we speak of orgasms matters. https://sexcoachu.com/orgasm-little-death/


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